As we move through life, each of us is faced with a variety of situations, circumstances, challenges and relationships that test our patience, resolve, commitment and acceptance. In each of these situations, we always have three options, choices or actions we can take. We can attempt to change the person or circumstance, we can accept it, or we can leave it and move on.
You can attempt to change it. Life is filled with people, events and situations that require we modify our values and challenge our philosophy – whether it is in our career or personal relationships. During these times when we have difficulty with a corporate policy, a spouse's behavior or a customer's attitudes, we can try to influence them/her/him to change.
It is difficult for many people to accept the reality that people do not change because we want them to or believe they need to, but when and if they choose to. So, if you can't change another person or circumstance, you are left with your next option. You can learn to accept it, or him or her.
Accepting what you dislike, disagree with or oppose is difficult if you are not open and receptive to the following ideas. 1) People change. 2) You are responsible to people, not for them.
Accepting what you dislike, disagree with or oppose is also difficult if you have any of the following traits. 1) You are living in the past or the future. 2) You have a closed mind. 3) You are stuck in your perceptions, opinions and beliefs. 4) You believe your "way" is the best or only way. 5) Your ego is so in control of your life that, even though you know you are not right, you can't or refuse to accept what you can't change. That leaves you with your third and final option – you can leave.
Many people move too quickly to this option when faced with a difficult person or situation. Their patience and/or acceptance quotient is too low for a peaceful or harmonious coexistence with life. They leave marriages too soon, jobs too quickly and careers or business when things begin to get a little difficult or out of hand.
I am not suggesting that people remain in destructive relationships forever, working for Genghis Kahn-like supervisors indefinitely, or staying in climates they dislike in order to be a martyr. I am suggesting, however, that many people rush through the first two options too quickly and find that they have left themselves painted into a corner with only one facesaving choice – bailing out.
There are times when leaving is your best choice, given your current set of circumstances and their destructive influence on your selfimage, attitudes or life destiny. Only you can decide if you have given yourself and/or the situation or person adequate time for change, or if you have sincerely tried to put your expectations and prejudices aside and truly accept the person or circumstance. There you have it – change it, accept it or leave it.
Don’t sweat the little stuff. What is little stuff? What is big stuff? You are born, big stuff. You die, big stuff. Everything in between is little stuff!
Well, it’s back to what is little stuff. Little stuff is: (some of you might take issue with my list, but it is my list, so don’t get yourself into a twit over it.)
·Getting fired.
·Getting promoted.
·Going broke.
·Winning the lottery.
·Falling in love.
·Falling out of love.
·Graduating from college.
·Retiring.
·Your computer crashing. (even if you haven’t done a backup in 6 months)
·Losing your hair.
·Losing your mind.
·Taking everything as if it were life or death.
·Losing the biggest sale of your life.
·Losing your business.
·Losing your keys.
·Someone close forgetting your birthday (or any special holiday).
·Getting wrinkles.
·Turning gray.
·Ending a relationship.
·Starting a relationship.
Before this day ends, I guarantee life will give you the opportunity to learn something about yourself.
A comment I often hear from a wide variety of people is, “If I just learn one thing from this person, seminar or life experience, it will be worthwhile.”
Life is an interesting and fascinating series of events, processes and growth opportunities. It is what happens to us as we plan the outcomes of our life existence. Life is truly a classroom. In a sense, class begins the day we are born and ends the day we pass from this world to the next. There are no vacations or recesses, and you never graduate.
There is no final exam and there is no pass or fail. You can, however, repeat a grade again and again until you learn the necessary skills or attitudes that the teachers in this class are trying to help you learn.
Each of us is traveling through our very unique life toward a variety of circumstances, events, people, and outcomes. We are bringing these outcomes and people into our lives both unconsciously and consciously.
Some people are good students and learn the necessary lessons the first time they appear, while others are stuck in the same old patterns, life dramas and situations because they fail to bring the learning back to themselves.
You can’t quit school, and you must complete each assignment before you get to move on to the next one. There are, however, a number of pop quizzes. Some people refuse to see the learning as theirs. They continuously point their fingers outward toward the other person or event and blame, resent or feel a number of negative emotions such as guilt, jealousy or anger.
Life is a neutral experience. It doesn’t care whether you are poor or wealthy, happy or unhappy, educated or ignorant, good looking or ugly, afraid or courageous, from Boston or Atlanta, Catholic or Jewish, single or married, working or retired. It doesn’t have opinions. It doesn’t judge. It just is.
Class is not about what comes into your life, but how you handle it. Success comes to many people. Some handle it well, while others do not. Adversity comes to all of us sooner or later. Some people give up, while others use the struggle to get better, wiser or stronger. Everyone has problems – whether in his/her career, relationships, businesses, with children, customers or spouses.
The opportunity for personal growth or learning can be found in each of life’s experiences or teachers. The key to success is to learn to bring all of the learning back to yourself and not to point your finger or blame others or life for your teachers. You and I don’t get to choose the curriculum in our lives or the lives of others, and we certainly don’t get to choose how other people should learn their lessons.
Everyone is on his/her unique path through life into his/her future. One way to know if you have not yet learned one of life's particular lessons is to observe that which is still in your life. For example, if you are having a relationship problem, there is most likely a relationship lesson that you have not yet learned. If you struggle with a financial lesson, then you have not yet learned a lesson in connection with this issue. The opening line in the all-time best-selling book by Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled, states, “Life is difficult.” Scott goes on to explain that life is only difficult for people who expect life to be easy!
Tim Connor, CSP is an internationally renowned sales, relationship, management and leadership speaker, trainer and best selling author. Since 1981 he has given over 3500 presentations in 21 countries on a variety of sales, management and relationship topics. He is the best selling author of over 60 books including; He can be reached at tim@timconnor.com, 704-895-1230 or visit his website at http://www.timconnor.com.
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