"Caught up in what might be regretful, annoying or frustrating about our lives, we often forget what has gone, or is going, right. You can wrap yourself in a warm feeling of comfort if you count what is good. It may seem trivial or small set against your complaints, but it can persuade you that, if those issues are a source of comfort, there will be others."
-- Suzie Hayman
"You need several hours of deep sleep every night to refresh you, but you don’t always need to sleep for seven or eight hours. What you do need to do is rest. Too many after-midnight stop-outs and your skin, your hair, your weight and your ability to make decisions go west. Aim to go to bed in time for you to be there for seven or eight hours a night, most nights."
-- Suzie Hayman
"We can’t all be gold-medal or Nobel Prize winners, or chief executives or Oscar contenders. What we can all do, however, is our best. Giving up or becoming bitter and frustrated because you can’t be the best denies you the chance to shine in your own way. Just as we should never tell children their efforts are wasted unless they get the top prize, we need to recognize for ourselves that doing the best we can is no less a triumph. We do, however, have to do that – do the very best we can, with full effort and complete focus."
-- Suzie Hayman
"We know how to prioritize our time at work – decide which are the important jobs and do them first. You need to do the same in your private life – decide who needs your time, decide who you would like to give your time to, decide how much time you have, then apportion your time and keep to your plan. If someone low or not on your list calls, say: ‘I can’t talk now; no, sorry, can’t do that – goodbye!’"
-- Suzie Hayman
"We tend to see fitness as something extra, something only elite sportspeople or people on a diet possess, but having the habit of regular exercise makes us much happier as well as much healthier. Fitness boosts self-esteem and confidence, and doesn’t have to cost the earth. A gym membership would actually pay off in the way it improves your life, but, if that seems a bit excessive, running or walking can give you the same benefits for less. Whatever the excuses, anyone can make time in their schedule to fit in a run during their lunchtime, getting up half an hour early to walk to work or school, and making one of your days off the time you do something energetic as a family."
-- Suzie Hayman
"Not making a choice – waiting and delaying, avoiding and denying – is as much a decision as making one. Letting it happen means accepting whatever course is imposed by events or other people – but you’re still making that choice, to let outside influences impose on you. People often say that their fate is sealed, that it’s destiny, luck or karma that dictates what happens to you, or that you had no control over events. Now you are an adult you have far more power than you imagine to steer the course of your life. With that responsibility might come anxiety and guilt. But with it could come fewer regrets."
-- Suzie Hayman
"Having fewer regrets often means facing problems squarely instead of avoiding them. Rather than pushing problems behind us, we need to look for solutions and apply them instead of running away, which is what most often leads to regrets. By facing issues we can often learn to seize the day and live in the moment instead of always looking either back or forward, dwelling on regrets or creating new ones."
-- Suzie Hayman
"So many regrets come about because we follow patterns laid down for us in our early lives. The examples we saw in our own family about how you relate and react to other people, and the assumptions you make about yourself and others, all come from your past and echo through your present to your future. To go forward with confidence, we often do need to lay the past to rest and we may need to explore and examine it to do so."
-- Suzie Hayman
"If what happened makes it hard for you to forgive, the best advice is at least to let it go. Anger, bitterness and recriminations hurt you as badly as, if not more than, the person you hold the grudge against – don’t do their work for them all over again."
-- Suzie Hayman
"At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a friend, a child, or a parent."
-- Suzie Hayman
"Every time something good happens, write a brief note about it and slip the paper in a jar. Include everything, from big events such as birthday parties or special celebrations, to praise from your partner, a friend or at work, to simply seeing a lovely sunset or hearing a bird sing. Watch the jar get full. On New Year’s Eve, or whenever you feel down, empty the jar and read out the slips. We often forget all the little things that cheer us up and make life enjoyable, and sometimes we even forget the big things if feeling bad gets in the way. This simple idea can help you remind yourself that life is also full of good moments."
-- Suzie Hayman
"Take responsibility for your failings rather than trying to push the blame on to anyone else. If you did it, recognize that and own the problem – no excuses or fudges. Offer amends to yourself – what can you do now or in the future to make up for the past? As well as resolving not to make the same mistake, give yourself some reparation – another chance, a new opportunity. And, once you’ve put a sincere apology on the table, move on. Let it go. Don’t worry about it again."
-- Suzie Hayman
"Have a go at everything that’s offered – apart from the bad stuff! Seize opportunities, get out there and make your own. Don’t put life off to “do another day”. This might just be your last."
-- Suzie Hayman
"Friendships need ‘servicing’ just like a car. Instead of the occasional oil change, what a friendship needs is a frequent dose of coffee, chat and sympathy if we’re all to receive help when we need it – and for us to get the fun and laughter we also deserve from our friendships. But it also has to be an equal exchange for it to be a good and functioning friendship."
-- Suzie Hayman
"Be kind to yourself. Give your dreams a chance. Listen to advice and accept help. Don’t just blindly go with the flow, balance the opportunities which come up against your own goals: will they draw you closer to who you want to become? Don’t waste your talents."
-- Suzie Hayman
"Fail and we learn that putting in effort and taking part is often far more important than the final achievement. We can’t all be gold-medal winners, but we can still run the race and enjoy our personal bests. Resilience is built on failure, and this makes having the courage to fail one of your best attributes."
-- Suzie Hayman
"Being allowed to experience failure is one of the best ways to build resilience. When you are wrapped up in cotton wool and shielded from risk, or are never allowed to make mistakes, you never learn how to deal with them – how to do better, and how to accept the need to confront and challenge yourself and your abilities."
-- Suzie Hayman
"You should never say to a child ‘Why can’t you be like so-and-so’ or ‘You did that so much better than…’ It doesn’t build competitiveness; it builds rivalry and resentment, and often leads to people giving up. In the same way, you should never compare yourself to anyone else: ‘I’m so useless – I can’t do it as well as so-and-so…’ or ‘I wish I were like…’ You are your own unique being with your own unique abilities, strengths and opportunities. Celebrate that."
-- Suzie Hayman
"We often regret things we couldn’t have changed, but while it’s perfectly valid to wish things had been different, there is no point in blaming or beating ourselves up about what happened. Save your energy for doing something about the here and now or the future – you can’t change the past."
-- Suzie Hayman
