This is truly my least favorite time of the year. Election time, USA. With two young children vying for my attention, I don't watch that much TV these days. But when I do indulge in an episode of Grey's Anatomy, a few minutes of CNN or an Ohio State football game, there is nothing worse than an in-your-face political commercial threatening the end of civilization as we know it, if you vote for candidate X (who's running for County Commissioner). You know what I'm talking about. The eerie music, the newspaper images with the headlines "terrorism" or "scandal", and the dark, grainy photographs where the candidate's expression looks like he or she was caught on film shoplifting a Snickers bar from the local BP Mini-Mart. What annoys me the most about these commercials (if you can even call them that) is that most of them very intentionally try to evoke a sense of fear or anger.
Over the years, I've learned (sometimes the hard way) that fear and anger are the absolute worst places from which to make decisions. Whether they dealt with finances, relationships, career moves or even caring for my children, the biggest blunders I've ever made were committed when I was angry or afraid. Last fall, for example, I moved a fairly large chunk of 401k money into a somewhat volatile mutual fund segment. I had researched the fund and its holdings carefully, evaluated it's historic performance and then made my move. Things were great...for a month. And then one day, out of the blue, some news on the state of the economy sent the fund price tumbling over a three-day period. What had been a 22% gain was now only 4%. Even though I knew intellectually that the fundamentals on which I had made my initial decision were still in place, I panicked and moved my money into a cash fund. Sure enough, within two weeks, the market had rationalized the news and the fund was back up...to a level even higher than before the "bad news" had sent it tumbling. That little bout with fear cost me several thousand dollars.
Somewhat further back, I was evaluating the career choice of moving to a new, smaller, “high-tech” company vs. a promotion with my current Fortune 50 employer. Analytically, the new company was a terrific opportunity. A bit more money, a move to a city I thought would be a blast to live in (San Diego), stock options and experience in an industry that was still in its infancy (wireless telecommunications). At the end of the day, I chose the "safe" option and stayed with my current employer. Make no mistake, it was still a good decision; one that (I rationalize now) eventually led me to meet my wife. But I'll always wonder what might have happened if I’d had a bit more courage and trusted my head.
In his 1933 inaugural address, Franklin D. Roosevelt said, "Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself". Indeed. And never has that been more true than today. By far the most powerful of our emotions, fear and anger have been used to manipulate, intimidate and control people for as long as politics and religion (and mother-in-laws) have been societal forces. Long before there was Osama bin Laden and "terrorism", there was the "red scare" and the threat of communism. Before that, there were the implied dangers of letting women vote and black and white children attend school together. And centuries before that, there were the threats of witches, heretics and even the notion that the Bible be printed in a language other than Latin! On a more macro level, fear permeates the discrete interactions between individuals every day. I can only wonder how many people are stuck in horrible relationships and tolerate abusive treatment from spouses, friends or bosses because the thought of leaving or being alone is even more terrifying than putting up with the abuse. How sad for them and how sad for us as a society.
There is only one authentic anecdote for fear – courage. But courage is not, as some people think, the absence of fear. Far from it. Courage is the acknowledgement of and journeying through our fear, followed by an educated course of action that is consistent with our best self. That means doing the things that scare us because we believe they are right to do. And courage comes in all shapes and sizes. We demonstrate what I call "little courage" daily because it's only slightly uncomfortable and comes with minimal risk. Little courage is trying a new restaurant even though you can't read the menu. It's riding that amusement park ride even though it looks absolutely terrifying. It's raising your hand at a staff meeting when you feel that the group has gotten off track or is not considering all of the alternatives. Little courage is supporting someone else's decision (that won't harm others) even when it's not the one you personally would have made. It's trying a generic toner cartridge in your laser printer. It's doing the Chicken Dance at a wedding even after you SWORE you'd never be caught dead doing it!
Demonstrating "big courage" is more difficult because the stakes are higher. It's confronting an abusive spouse or friend and being ready to walk away from the relationship if their behavior doesn't change. It's pursuing your dream job even though it comes with front-end financial uncertainty. It's opening up your heart to love again after the death of a spouse or a bitter divorce. Big courage is admitting to and confronting an addiction that is causing harm to yourself and/or others. It's acknowledging a mistake or lapse in judgment and doing everything in your power to repair the damage. It's thinking and acting for yourself on moral issues even if it puts you at odds with your church, party or social group. Next month, big courage will be ignoring political labels and pundits, thoroughly educating yourself on positions and issues, and then voting for the candidates and ballot measures you feel are most likely to support and protect the parts of the American dream that you value most.
Albeit more difficult to find in the age of color-coded threat levels, "live" highway chases and unfolding scandals, living and acting with courage is possible. Here are a few ideas to consider:
Get the facts. In many cases, some of our deepest fears can be moderated or even eliminated simply by better informing ourselves. Start by committing to an open mind and identifying any preconceived biases you may have on the subject. Are your fears rational or has your imagination (possibly fueled by a 24/7 news media) invented or inflated them? Then seek out objective, unbiased information as best possible. And when the "facts" you consider come from a questionable source, be skeptical. At least make sure you understand that source's biases and intent.
Consider the consequences. Sometimes our deepest fears are outcomes that are the least likely to actually happen. What are the likely consequences if you confront your best friend's inappropriate behavior? And if "the worst" happens, then what? What if you take a leap of faith and start your own business? What if you admit that you made a mistake? What if the Republicans keep control of Congress or the Democrats win control of the Senate? The sun will still come up the next day and life will go on.
Know yourself. The greatest tool we can employ in the pursuit of courage is an intimate knowledge of ourselves. Being fully cognizant of your core values and the behaviors that those core values translate into makes the demonstration of big courage infinitely easier. It brings authenticity, legitimacy and a sense of peace to every difficult choice you make.
At the end of the day, we do live in a world that harbors dangers of all types. Mankind always has. But at the same time, it is neither honorable nor satisfying to live in a state of fear, be it warranted or contrived. This is not a paradox, but a challenge. As individuals and as a society, we are always at our best in addressing these dangers when we act with reason, a clear picture of what we do want, and determination. We are at our best when we act with courage.
Paul Meshanko - The Attitude Strategist, is a motivational speaker, author and business owner who understands that it’s not what you think but how you think that determines your success in life.
While many speakers entertain, Paul helps audiences understand that being more productive and fulfilled, in any aspect of life, requires more than a feel-good diversion. It involves a change in thought processes and attitudes.
In 1997, after a successful 12-year career with Honeywell Automotive, Paul opened the Edge Learning Institute's Cleveland sales office. Since then, he has provided motivational keynote presentations and leadership, staff and group development programs to companies nationwide. He has inspired over 500,000 people in 20 countries and is consistently rated a "best in class" speaker.
Paul's speaking themes focus on client needs and include organizational culture, workplace diversity, personal effectiveness, change management, teambuilding and work-life balance.
Visit Paul's website at www.paulmeshanko.com or contact him directly at 888-892-0300.
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